We live in a world in which we are surrounded by almost eight billion people. We are raised in communities with different standards, opinions, and beliefs hoping the knowledge taught will enable us to create our own path. We become easily influenced by parents, friends, neighbours, social media, TV, books, teachers, politicians, Church’s representatives and everyone who we think can teach us something. We believe every word they say, we follow them and listen to their opinions. They shape us. How we behave in our adult life is purely down to what we have been taught during our young age and the knowledge we have absorbed. It’s funny how the opinion of someone else, can impact your own. How do you keep balance in all of it?
I am a perfect example of someone who is easily ‘manipulated’. But I am not saying it’s a bad thing. I am prone to be a pushover by people who have bigger knowledge than me on some topics. To give you an example, if I am talking to a friend who will provide me with credible examples and actual facts of a football player (who I before thought wasn’t good enough to join my team) to support his opinion, and will convince me of his rights, I will most likely change my own opinion on that player to agree with my friend. Not because I have been manipulated, but because I was presented with a knowledge I didn’t have before. It’s super easy for me to fall into this. But it’s so good to crave actual facts, not gossips.
However, having said that, I do have my feet firmly on the ground, when I hear bullshit, and I know I have done my research beforehand, there is no way for me to believe in what I hear. So I find it utterly hilarious when someone says: ‘My mum/dad told me this or that and it’s 100% true’. In my eyes, it’s not. If you would say: ‘My mum taught me this, and it’s working for me’ – I would totally believe you. But I won’t when you say your parent’s opinion is the only one that is good. I do believe in multiple beliefs, scenarios and judgments.
One thing that I love the most in the world (except animals) is open-mindedness. I am allergic to people who only see their own nose and nothing else. I cannot understand, and I really don’t want to understand, when for example, I am being explained one way of doing things, and I know there is another way to achieve the same results, but I hear: ‘No, this is how it should be done’. Why? Please give me a reason why your way is better than mine. Please, be my guest, convince me. I mean, how pathetic you have to be? Just because you have been told/shown a certain way, it doesn’t mean it’s good or bad. As a matter of fact, it only means it’s just one of the possible ways of doing the exact same thing, right? Someone told me ages ago a valuable thing: 6+3=9, but so is 5+4=9, and 2+7=9, and so on… This has since become my life motto. It’s so true.
I also would like to voice my opinion on relationships. I do believe, and you might find it unusual, that when you enter a relationship one becomes two. Not two becomes one. I think, that when you enter a relationship, you are sharing yourself with someone else. You share your wisdom, opinions, beliefs, experience, judgment, knowledge, life lessons, etc. But you don’t suddenly own another person. You share your life story with them only. You create a new life, a new chapter with that guy/girl by your side. But don’t expect your ‘second half’ to live by your standards or rules. Everyone is different. We all have different opinions and we all have been brought up in a different way. There is nearly eight billion of us in the world, so how can you expect another human to follow your lead? You can’t do that, it’s harmful. Your way doesn’t mean it’s better than his/hers. At the end of the day, all that it matters is if we are staying true to ourselves, if we are happy and respectful of one another and if we live a happy life according to our own standards.
Relationships aren’t easy. I have been in one for fifteen years now, and it wasn’t a road covered all in roses. Quite frankly, it was the exact opposite. Sometimes we both felt like we are walking on fire coals. But one thing that I can say worked for us, is our ability to allow the other person to be who they are. Of course, there were times I was going mad over his stupid (in my eyes) behaviour, and he would get so angry at stuff I have been doing, but at the end of the day, we could find balance in this. We learned which things are acceptable, which can be let go and which we need to discuss further, so the other person doesn’t feel bad about it. If he would make me upset over, for example, a drinking night, which turned out to be a four day weekend, we would have a serious talk about how irresponsible that was, because I was worried if he is ok. We would then agree that the next time he goes out, he will get home the same night, or message me that he is staying longer. I wouldn’t say: You can’t do that anymore. I’m not his mother. I’m his life partner. I’m voicing my opinion on stuff that I personally don’t like, but what he does with it – if he will take this as a lesson or won’t bother – it’s his own matter. I can say anything I want, show another way of doing things, but at the end of the day, he is allowed to do whatever he wishes and how things will be solved or taught, are down to an open-minded discussion between me and him and meeting in the middle. I believe that my partner lives his own life, but by his own choice, he is sharing it with me. And again, what I do with it, if I am committed to him or I’m not, it’s my own decision. The same rules apply to him. He gets disappointed when I overspend on clothes and shoes, but as long as we are honest with each other, the bills are paid & credit cards are being paid off, then he accepts the fact I love fashion and will always invest my hard earn money into it. But we do meet in the middle. We accept each other with all the good and bad flaws. It’s about acceptance of who the other person is and sharing our life stories with each other.
Nobody is forcing us to be together, and this relationship isn’t mandatory, so I don’t want to tell him what to do or not to do. The way I was brought up, and what I have learned during twenty years of my existence before I met him, is completely different from his way, so I would be a hypocrite for trying to enforce my way of thinking onto him. Or another way around. He wouldn’t do it to me either. It is all about respect. But what we have learned and what knowledge we gained while we have been together as a team, it’s another matter.
The world is wide open for everyone, we are being given amazing opportunities each day to live the life we want, to be happy, excited and the best part of it is, we are so equally different, yet beautifully individual.